* Now let's peer edit your individual essays. Please write in pen directly into your peer's composition book.
- Introduction
- How could you improve the opening line? Do it.
- Do we get our bearings (title, author, basic situation?). We should
as we do not want plot oozing through all over the other paragraphs.
- Things that could go wrong with the thesis:
- Is the theme culled from the story too general? If it fits most stories you can think of, it's too general.
- "...shows the reader that good is better than evil"; almost every story shows this.
- "...teaches the reader how one grows up"; too general.
- "...shows the reader how to be patient"; too general.
- The elements don't actually support the theme.
- Are there elements you can think of that would work better than the ones the author chose? Tell them.
- Is this written in first or third person? Let's stick to third here.
- Body
- How could you improve the topic sentence and transition into the first body paragraph? Do it.
- Even though this is not a plot summary, the elements should work in such a way that we treat the ideas chronologically.
Is that happening here, or are we dealing with a climax or conclusion
when we we'll need to hike back to the bottom of the expositional hill
later? Tell them the order you think would work best with the elements
chosen.
- Are there two--three short quotes from the story that support the topic sentence?
- Are there commentary sentences following the quotes that tie things
back to the topic sentence and thesis by the end of the paragraph? Tell
them if they need more commentary or didn't tie back to the topic
sentence and thesis.
- Is the writer repeating in any back-to-back sentence set? Repeating
verbs? Phrases? That makes for boring writing; strike things out.
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